Took one to the chest but Im fine...

I keep expecting that as the days pass, things will hurt less. Like the image of seeing your back turn from me and watching you leave for the last time will stop playing in my head. Like somehow I can just erase what I thought we had and pick my broken self off the floor. I realized something the other day. I meant nothing to him. Absolutely nothing. It took me three years to realise this. Three years to understand I was a fling, a fuck, a notch in his belt. The worst part is he still has a place in my heart. I wish he didnt, but I cant change the fact that he does. I hide it, and I hide it well. But Ill never be able to completely let him go. No matter how much finding out hurt. No matter how much I tell myself what a bastard he is. Hes never going to leave me alone.
I love you so much, and I fucking hate it
~K