crumble

Ever feel like the walls are closing in around you? Like youre world is crumbling like an overbaked cookie??? I am stuck somewhere between heaven and hell and I feel worthless. Nothing matters yet everything matters so fucking much. I dont know what to do. Everyone thinks Im so strong, when really, Im just a crumbling overbaked, chocolatechipless cookie. Cookies without chocolate chips are pointless. My life has a point, but I dont have enough time to reach it. And everyone is looking at me like Im some freaking 3 headed man in a cage. Sideshow. Pretty sideshow with the perfect life right?? Yea right. Im in love with the idea of not loving anyone who is able to get close. I love loneliness. Being alone. Taking comfort in knowing that I dont have to, or wont, comprimise with anyone else is beautiful. And yet, as a result of being alone for so long and avoiding human contact, the one time I really need someone no one is here. The world is blurring and theres no one here to save me. Not even my rockstars can save me now. No matter how much I love them.

Everythings up and around. And everyone is down

wind swirls and leaves blow. Theres no one home still. Curtains billow. Seasons change. Theres nothing left for rearangement. Deface me. Rape me. Tisnt me anymore. Gone. Peace

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Funny how everything changes in one instant. One second and everythings diffent. Things have a surreal glow to them now 'Ill never get to do this again' 'Ill never see her again' 'Never see dave play or steven sing again' Even in the worst of times a song pops into my head

Yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away, now I need a place to hide away, oh I believe in yesterday

Tell me it isnt true? Sick joke? I wish. What I wouldnt give....fuck it. I have no regrets. Except one, and that gets buried with me bitches